I see so many posts about moms who are feeling so bittersweet over how quickly summer ended and school arrived. The new school year is upon us and, frankly, for my son it couldn’t come fast enough. Should I even have mom guilt over this? I honestly don’t know, but I feel bad for not feeling sad about school.
Why the mom guilt? My son seemed to thrive in full-time pre-K at our local primary school. He loves structure and having problems to solve. I simply cannot give him that at home, or just haven’t figured out how. So, it feels like he’s constantly pushing my buttons and being Mr. Hyde more than Dr. Jekyll… and I’m starting to believe that it’s because he’s bored… so very bored.
I’ve been doing more research on the Jekyll & Hyde thing, in kids his age, and it seems like I’m finding that a big part of it is that he’s just not good at emotional regulation. It’s not a serious thing, but often kids his age are starting to get a better handle on it than he has. Every child seems to grow and develop different milestones at different rates. He is athletic, and has excellent hand-eye coordination for macro motor skills and micro skills. He also loves learning patterns and shapes and counting and letters. I can’t find ways to keep his attention at home like he gets at school. The only way I can imagine it would be to turn his bedroom into a homeschooling environment. This was our first summer break, so I am definitely taking notes for next summer. I didn’t realize boredom was most likely one of the triggers until summer was almost over. Know better, do better. That’s what they say, right? Am I allowed to be happy about school? Heck yeah I am! Why should I have mom guilt that my son is going somewhere that grows him? And yes, I do believe in his school and teacher this year.
Our schools may not be the most highly rated – according to academic testing – but I believe that is more of a reflection on our community than our teachers. Every teacher I know in our school system – and I know a lot of them – has a true heart for our students. I trust that he will get socialization at school and guidance from the adults. That he will learn to manage his emotions in a healthy way. I believe in my son, y’all, and in the power of prayer. I pray constantly for his health and well-being and personal development. My boys mean the world to me and I just don’t think I can be sad to see my boys grow up and become the wonderfully independent little men I’ve been nurturing them toward their whole little lives. These boys are my full time job, and I want to see them grow up into wonderful adults.
So, I refuse to be sad about him going to school, and being big enough to be at this point already. I refuse to feel guilty that I’m glad I only have his younger brother for 7 hours every day, and he’s out of my hair. Dealing with one 2 year old is much easier than a 2 year old and a 5 year old who can’t decide if he wants to be an angel or a screaming, throwing toys, argumentative, demon child. Ok, I know he’s not a demon child, but some days the screaming makes me so red, myself, that I can’t help but wonder who he is and where my boy went.
My conclusion? Kids are hard, and I refuse to have mom guilt for wanting the best for them. I love mine so much and wouldn’t trade them for anything, but I will always admit that parenting ain’t easy. Because, frankly, it’s really really hard some times. We can always use support for each other, so feel free to share your past or current experiences as a parent over in my Facebook page. If you can help those behind you in the line, that is parenting, please, help remind us youngin’s that we can and will survive.